Karlee Stoppenhagen On Common Law Marriage In Colorado

Karlee: Great question. The only difference lies in how the marriage is formed. Otherwise, it is still considered a marriage. While most people share a general understanding of what marriage means, each marriage is also uniquely different. That is the key distinction between common law marriage and traditional marriage.

Colorado is one of the few states that still recognizes common law marriage, and the main question we consider is how that relationship is formed. The reason Colorado keeps common law marriage on the books is to acknowledge nontraditional couples, same-sex couples, and people who believe in the unity of partnership without the formalities of marriage.

The final point to consider is why this distinction exists. It is meant to recognize people who have strong, committed relationships that are very similar to a marriage, even though they have not gone through a formal ceremony, obtained a license, or completed other formal steps. So, the main difference comes down to how the relationship is formed. In every other way, they are the same.

Caroline: I understand that common law marriage is not recognized in every state, but it is recognized in Colorado. What criteria must a couple meet in Colorado to be considered common law married?

Karlee: It depends on the circumstances, which is probably the most typical lawyer answer, but it is true. Colorado has an older case that is still good law called the Lucero case. That case established that common law marriage would remain recognized in Colorado. However, over time, it became outdated because it focused only on traditional terms like “husband” and “wife,” and it looked at marriage through the lens of traditional roles, just without the formality of a marriage license or ceremony.

In early 2021, the Colorado Supreme Court issued several decisions on the same day that updated the legal approach to common law marriage. These rulings clarified how Colorado now determines whether a common law marriage exists. The focus is on three main questions: Did the couple agree to be married? Did they act according to that agreement? And did they behave as a married couple would?

This standard is unique to each couple. Some married couples sleep in separate bedrooms, others share the same bedroom. There is no requirement for cohabitation, no financial requirements, and no single factor that must be met. The key question is whether the couple agreed to be married and then lived according to that agreement, in whatever way they defined marriage for themselves.

Courts primarily look at the agreement itself. What did you agree to? When did you make that agreement? How did you behave afterward? The courts then review various factors, such as:

• Did you have joint finances? If yes, that supports the idea of marriage, but if not, that is also fine.
• Do you have children together? If yes, that can be a factor, but it is not required.
• Did you wear wedding rings? If yes, that supports the idea of marriage, but again, it is not required. Many married couples with formal marriage licenses do not wear rings.
• Do you live together?
• Do you tell others that you are married, referring to each other as spouse, partner, wife, or husband?
• Do your family and neighbors believe you are married?

It comes down to the totality of the circumstances. Did you agree to be married, and did you behave accordingly? There is no strict rule that applies to every case. That is the key takeaway from the Colorado Supreme Court decisions. If you agreed to be married and lived that way, the state will recognize your marriage. You do not have to go to court, sign documents, or register with the county. Your agreement and how you lived out that agreement are what matter most.

Caroline: So there are no strict rules, like needing to have been in a relationship for a certain number of years.

Karlee: Yes, and that is a really common misconception. People often believe they need to be together for seven years to be considered married. I am not sure where that idea comes from, and I have never looked it up myself, but I hear it all the time. People will call me and say, “We have been living together for seven years, so we must be married,” and I have to stop them right there.

Living together does not automatically make you a married couple. You could live apart for many years and still be married, or you could live together and not be married at all. There is no specific time requirement. You could agree to be married and live together for just one day and be considered common law married. You could also agree to be married and never live together, and still qualify.

It all comes down to the behaviors you engaged in after reaching that agreement with your partner.

Karlee: The simplest way is that you and your spouse agree that you are married, and that is all it takes. If you say you are married, then you are married. In Colorado, there is no requirement to prove it. Some states require you to file a marriage certificate when you file for divorce, but Colorado does not require a marriage certificate to be considered married. It all comes down to the agreement.

If you have a marriage certificate, that is great, but that falls under traditional marriage, which is a completely different topic.

So, the easiest way to determine this is to ask if you agreed to be married. If there is an agreement, no one will challenge it, and you can move forward. If there is no agreement and one person says you are married while the other says you are not, that is a good time to speak with a lawyer to figure out how to either establish the marriage or officially end it and formalize the situation.

Caroline: Do common law spouses have the same legal rights as traditionally married spouses when it comes to divorce, property division, and spousal support?

Karlee: Yes, and that is one of the reasons why common law marriage still exists in Colorado. There is recognition that this type of unity is very important, and the status of a married couple is different from the status of roommates, business partners, or unmarried co-parents who intentionally choose not to marry. Marriage holds significant meaning, and in Colorado, the court recognizes common law marriage in the same way as a traditional marriage.

If you and your partner agree that you were married, or if you can prove it in court by showing that, despite what the other person says, you acted as a married couple and had an agreement, the court will treat that relationship the same as any other marriage. From that point, whatever legal steps need to happen regarding the marriage can move forward.

It is also important to mention that sometimes federal law has different rules related to this, and while state and federal laws often align, there are some nuanced differences. If you believe you are in a common law marriage in Colorado, it is important to understand what that means in your specific situation.

Consider what you are trying to accomplish with that marriage status. Are you trying to qualify for health insurance benefits? Are you seeking a divorce? Are you trying to have the other parent added to a birth certificate? It depends on your specific goal. But it all starts with the agreement you made and how you can show evidence of it.

Caroline: Based on what you have seen, do people generally realize that they have the right to get a divorce if they are in a common law marriage, or are they unaware of that?

Karlee: It varies. Some people call and say they are in a common-law marriage, then mention one of the common misconceptions we have already discussed. They might say, “We have lived together for seven years,” or “I added him to my cell phone plan and listed him as my husband,” or even “We applied for a mortgage together.”

But again, it comes down to the totality of the circumstances. In many of these cases, we have to explain that they are not legally married. That does not mean we cannot help them; it just means we cannot help in the exact way they are thinking. Other legal options can help them reach similar outcomes.

In other situations, people call and only want to talk about their children. They will say something like, “I was with this person for five years, we have two children, and now I need to address custody issues.” But as the conversation continues, we discover that they filed taxes together as a married couple, combined their finances and debts, and even listed each other as spouses on their children’s records.

In those cases, we have to explain that it is not just about custody. We also need to address the financial side of things and unwind the finances along with parenting matters, just as we would in a traditional divorce.

The best advice is to be transparent and share all relevant information from the start. Understand that there are many laws and ways to reach the results you are looking for. Just because you believe you are married or not married does not automatically make that true under the law. You could be married without realizing it, or you might not be married even if you think you are.

In the end, it all comes down to identifying what you need to move forward, how to divide property and finances appropriately, and how to ensure everything is set up properly for your children.

Karlee: So many. In fact, almost everything people believe about common law marriage tends to be misunderstood. The biggest ones we often see are the same as what you mentioned, including cohabitation, what it takes to establish a marriage, and how the process works.

The easiest way to explain this is to remember that everyone is treated equally under the law. If you think there is some special action required to establish a common law marriage, ask yourself if that requirement would apply to a traditionally married couple. If it does not apply to them, it does not apply to you either.

For example, the idea that you need to be together for seven years is a common misconception. You do not have to be married for seven years to have a valid traditional marriage, and you also do not need to be together for seven years to be considered common law married.

One way to better understand this is by looking at the term “common law” itself. It comes from old English law, since our legal system originally developed from English traditions. While the United States moved away from some of those old laws, we still recognize certain historical legal principles. Today, we have statutes and court decisions that shape our laws, but some of these older concepts remain part of our legal system as a nod to history.

In the past, people could marry without going to a courthouse or a church. They simply agreed to be married and lived as a married couple. This was common during the early days of the country and even in the Wild West. In Colorado, which is still very much a Western state, that idea remains part of the law.

You can agree to be married and formalize it later if you choose, though that leads to a different discussion about what happens if you legally marry after already being common law married.

The biggest misconception is that common law marriage is some sort of special or complicated status. It is not. It simply comes down to whether you agreed to be married and lived your life according to that agreement. That is all there is to it, and understanding that helps clear up a lot of the confusion people have about the topic.

Karlee: The first step, and this is the advice I give to all clients and potential clients, is to ask yourself what you want. What is your desired outcome? Where do you want to go from here? That should always be the starting point.

If you are in a relationship and it ends, think about how you want to start over, how you want to move forward, and how you plan to rebuild your life. If you have children, we need to determine how to handle parenting responsibilities. If you share property, we need to figure out how to divide it. Once you are clear about where you want to go, that will guide the decisions we make moving forward.

If you are married, whether through common law or a traditional marriage, the court must formally dissolve the marriage. The only way to end a marriage is through divorce or legal separation, which requires a legal process. This is not something that has to be addressed at the start of a relationship, but it does have to be addressed when the relationship ends.

So, focus on the outcomes you want. What are you looking for? How do you want to move forward? That way, we can make sure to properly address parenting issues, identify and divide property and finances, and handle everything appropriately.

Another important factor is spousal support, which we call maintenance in Colorado. If you are married, that may come into play as well.

If you think you might be common law married and your relationship has ended, take time to reflect on what you want for your future. Then, seek legal advice to help you achieve that and ensure that everything is handled correctly, including practical matters like taxes and other financial considerations.

Caroline: How does common law marriage affect issues like child custody or child support?

Karlee: If you are married, whether through common law or a traditional marriage, you are legally married, and you must go through a divorce to end that marriage. In a divorce, there are two main areas to address: the financial side and the parenting side. These are separate issues with different legal standards, although they overlap when it comes to the cost of raising children.

On the financial side, we focus on the fair, or equitable, division of property and debts. We also address spousal support, which is called maintenance in Colorado.

Then we turn to the parenting side, where the legal standard is the best interest of the children. This includes establishing parenting time, decision-making responsibilities, and, as you mentioned, child support. Child support serves as the financial connection between these two areas to help cover the costs of raising children.

If you are married, all of this falls under the divorce process. If you are not married, that is fine too. We will still address the parenting side, including decision-making, parenting time, and child support.

If you have shared finances but did not meet the requirements for marriage, there are still legal ways to divide property, such as filing a partition action or using other legal remedies.

In the end, the process is about identifying what you have and finding the right legal path to handle it. Colorado law offers a lot of flexibility in how these matters are resolved. Whether or not you are married, child support will still be part of the case if there are children involved.

Karlee: Relationships do not develop overnight, and marriage usually does not either. Yes, with traditional marriage, there is a ceremony and formal steps, but with common law marriage, it often happens gradually. People might find themselves realizing, “We have been together for five years, we have started combining our lives and finances, now what do we do?”

It really comes back to having a conversation with your partner. Are you married? Do you want to be married? How do you plan to protect your finances? If the two of you can agree on how to handle these things, then follow through with that agreement. If the relationship stays intact, there may not be a need for additional protections. However, if you are concerned about what happens if the relationship ends, or you want to keep certain things separate, that is a good time to consult a lawyer.

There are different ways to handle this. You can create agreements ahead of time that clarify there is no intent to be married and no intent to share assets. You can also make agreements that outline which assets will be shared and which will remain separate. This is similar to a prenuptial agreement, though it is a different type of legal arrangement. The laws around this can be complex, so it is important to get accurate advice.

If you find yourself wondering whether you need protections, that is the time to seek legal guidance. We can help you figure out where you are headed and what steps to take to protect yourself. The worst thing you can do is make assumptions and avoid having open conversations with your partner, an attorney, or even a financial advisor who can help you navigate these issues.

Caroline: Since common law marriage gives you the same rights as a traditional marriage, I assume that if you get a divorce and your ex has debts, you could be responsible for those debts as well, unless you agreed otherwise. Would that be correct? And is it even possible to have something like a prenuptial agreement under a common law marriage?

Karlee: You can have a prenuptial agreement with a common law marriage, but that does not mean you have to give up all the other benefits that come with being married. Just because you choose not to have a traditional marriage does not mean you cannot put agreements in place to protect yourself.

Debts are a very important part of this conversation. If you are married, you have all the benefits of marriage, including equal or fair access to marital funds, protections if a spouse passes away, potential survivor benefits, health insurance benefits, tax benefits, and more. But with those benefits also come responsibilities. You do not just receive the good without taking on some of the bad, and that includes responsibility for debts.

One of the first steps in any divorce is to identify all assets and debts. From there, we determine whether they are marital or separate. Marital property and debts are divided between the spouses, while separate property and debts stay with the person who originally acquired them. Whether you are in a common law marriage or a traditional marriage, marital debts will be divided. However, there are ways to protect yourself from being responsible for your partner’s debts if needed.

Another big misconception is the belief that if a debt is not in your name, it is not your responsibility. That is not true. If you are married, it does not matter whose name is on the debt; both partners may still be responsible for it.

So, what can you do to protect yourself? Prenuptial agreements are one option, but other types of legal agreements can help. It is important to get legal advice to make sure these agreements are valid and enforceable.

The most practical advice is to avoid putting your name on debts you do not want to be responsible for. Also, be cautious about becoming an authorized user on credit cards. If you are using a shared credit card, you are likely assuming some responsibility for that debt.

This can quickly become a complicated issue, but the simplest and best advice is to seek legal and financial guidance to understand how to protect yourself.

Karlee: Yes, we have seen this happen, and we have seen it for quite some time. It is hard to say whether it happens more now than it used to, but what I do know is that marriages and relationships are not the same as they were when my parents got married. Things are different now. We live in a different world, and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

This change is part of why the Colorado Supreme Court issued those important decisions in early 2021. Our legal system, both at the constitutional and state level, is designed to adapt to modern times.

The most important thing is to understand what you have and what you do not have. Speak up and ask for help, whether that is to protect yourself at the beginning of a relationship to avoid unintended consequences, or to get help when a marriage or relationship ends so that you can protect your interests.

One situation we see often is people living together without being traditionally married. There are options for handling this, such as cohabitation agreements. These agreements can outline how you will own property together, how you will raise children, and what will happen if the relationship ends. However, this is not the same as a divorce. These agreements are highly specialized and nuanced, and if you want them to be enforceable, you absolutely need legal advice.

It is hard to say for sure if these situations are more common today, but we are definitely receiving more calls about them. I think the pandemic also played a role in this. Some people found themselves in unexpected relationships during that time and are happy with where things ended up. Others realized that being confined together for long periods was not a good situation, and they are still working through the effects of that.

We continue to see new and different situations, but the most important thing goes back to clearing up misconceptions. People are making different choices about their relationships and their lives than they did in the past. Fortunately, Colorado law is very flexible and can meet people where they are today.

Caroline: Is there anything else you think people need to know about this topic that often goes overlooked?

Karlee: The most important message is to live your life. The law, outside of criminal laws—which you should follow—is not here to tell you how to live. When it comes to civil matters, just live your life. Be the person you want to be, stay in relationships that make you happy, leave those that do not, have children, raise them how you choose, and experience life fully without worrying too much about legal restrictions.

At the same time, understand that your decisions can have significant consequences, especially when it comes to marriage and children. That is why it is so important to have a plan.

Because there are so many misconceptions and the law can be fluid and dependent on specific circumstances, the best thing you can do is seek advice from a professional. Whether it is a financial advisor or an attorney, you want someone who will focus on your life and your needs, not some vague idea of what marriage should be or how children should be raised. You need someone who will listen to your specific situation, meet you where you are, and help you understand what steps to take.

There are many different ways to reach your goals, and one thing we do very well at MFL is take the time to listen to what our clients or potential clients really want. We help them understand the reality of their situation, whether that means confirming they are right about what is happening or explaining a common misconception and offering solutions.

The key is to get good advice and make sure you are protected, either by having a plan in place at the start of a relationship or by having someone advocate for you if it ends. Whether you need support as a partner, a parent, or simply as an individual, there is help available to guide you through it.