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Child Support

10 Steps to Easing the Divorce Process

Being involved in litigation is difficult regardless of the reason.  Divorce is especially difficult due to there being many moving parts.  Here are 10 steps that may help you navigate through the divorce process 

1. Build a Support Team

It is important to build a group of people to rely on when you need them.  To some, this is a best friend, a sibling, or a parent. To others, it will be a therapist, coworker, or a pet.  Let them know when there is an important date, like mediation and hearings.   

 Afterward, consider having a virtual date, game night, or dinner to talk about how it went.  Sometimes you do not want to talk after, so a movie night could be the way to go.  

Your legal team is also a great source of support because they know your goals and fears. Talk to them about your concerns and when you want the strategy to change.   

Your minor child should NOT be part of your support system.  

2. Do Not Get The Kids Involved

Kids are precious but repeat everything!  Even the comments we did not think they were listening to.  Be mindful that their world is changing too.  Hearing how much you wish your spouse would disappear or how much they are to blame for everything are things you say to your support team when the kids are not in earshot.   

Children are not usually allowed at Court. You will need to make childcare arrangements if you have a hearing or mediation.  Also, refrain from giving your children a recap of what was said in Court.   

Set up a support system for your kids too.  Consider letting their teacher or counselor know of your family changes so they can keep an eye on your child when are you not near.  

3. Get Ready For New Normal

Divorce brings many changes.  Going from one household to two will take a toll on each member of the family in different ways.  First, remember that you WILL make it through this!  It is different and uncomfortable, but you and your children will make it.  Next, start to think about what you want your new normal to look like.  It is time to prepare emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically.  

Questions to Consider

  • How will bills be paid? 
  • Where will you live?
  • Can you afford to live there?
  • Will the children need to move schools? 
  • Do you plan to change your name?  
  • Are you mentally ready for this change? If not, what can you do to better prepare?
  • Can friends and family help you move or be with you you’re your spouse comes to move their belongs 
  • What items can be cut out of the monthly budget? 

4. Manage Your Expectations

We are not superheroes, and some days will be harder than others.  Do not expect to be happy and in control 100% of the time.  If you need to cry, then cry.  If you need to scream, then scream.  You are human, and humans have feelings!   

You might not get everything you want.  For example, you might be awarded the car, but you might also have to pay for it.  You might be awarded spousal maintenance, but it might not be for as long as you hoped.  

Our Calculators

We’re not fans of surprises and we suspect you aren’t either. We built these divorce calculators just for you, so you know what to expect every step of the way.

5. Keep A Journal

Sometimes it is difficult to remember a date that an incident happened or which weekend you and the other parent decided to switch possession.  Write it down and keep all your notes in one place.   

Here are a few suggestions: 

  • Create a new email address and email yourself 
  • Add them to Notes on your smartphone
  • Create an event for yourself on your calendar
  • Grab a spiral notebook and a gel pen

6. Be Mindful of Your Actions and Social Media Posts

It is 2022!  Everyone has a phone close by and can access the camera faster than you can say, “Did you see that?”  Be mindful of who you are with and how you behave.  If you really need to use adult language on social media, consider venting to your new succulent or four-legged friend.   

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7. Keep Lines of Communication Open

It is important to stay connected to the other parent, your legal team, and your support to get you through this difficult time for different reasons. 

Communication with the other parent/spouse – Communication with the other parent is essential for co-parenting.  However, it is not always the easiest to do when emotions are high.  A great attorney told another great attorney once that she instructs her client to be BIFF: Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm with the other party.   

Communication with your legal team – Sometimes clients avoid communicating with their legal team to avoid costs.  However, your legal team cannot help make sure you have enough money for the upcoming rent that is due if they do not know about it.  Consider reaching out to the paralegal first or sending a short email. They are there to help you but can’t fix what they don’t know.  

Communication with your support – Whether it is your therapist, mom, dad, sister, brother, or cat named Macy, they are there for you!  To the people that love you, you are not a burden.  Talk to them!  Invite them over to test a new recipe or explore a new hiking trail.  Create a special code, like a word or cactus emoji, with someone that you can send in those moments that you need them. 

8. Consider Creative Solutions

There are multiple ways to reach a resolution in a divorce.  Instead of going straight to Court, consider other ways to resolve the issues.  For example, an informal settlement conference, exchange proposals, mediation, arbitration, and collaborative sessions are other ways to get an end result.    

No one knows the inner workings of your family and schedule better than those that follow it.  With extracurricular activities and non-traditional work schedules, sometimes the “standard” possession schedule does not work for all families.  Do not be afraid to offer your attorney alternatives.

9. Prepare and Practice

In a time that everything feels uncertain, it is helpful to practice the aspects that you can control.  If you have an in-person hearing coming up and you bought new shoes, break them in.  Take a drive to the Courthouse to plan how much time you might need to find parking, whether the parking meter is card only or change only.   

If your hearing is on an electronic platform like WebEx or Zoom, test your equipment.  Download the application on more than one device just in case one dies or crashes.  Do a test call with someone to test the sound, video, lighting, and placement of the camera.   

If you need to discuss a difficult topic with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and you are nervous, practice with someone from your support team. 

10. Allow Room for Mistakes

As everyone begins to adjust to new schedules, know that mistakes will happen.  As emotions run high, is it normal to jump to conclusions that your soontobe ex-spouse is trying to cause a reaction out of you. Before planning your counterattack, stop and think if there could be a misunderstanding.  Remember to use BIFF when addressing the incident with your soontobe exspouse and come up with a plan to avoid a similar issue in the future. 

Everyone’s journey is differentEveryone’s divorce is different.  Everyone copes differently.  Figure out the best steps for you to make it through your divorce. Remember you will be okay and smile again one day soon. Call us and we can help you get there.

Modern Family Law

Modern Family Law’s team of experienced family law attorneys takes a compassionate approach to the practice of family law. Using innovative technology to create an effective and efficient process for our clientele, our attorneys approach each case as a collective effort to find the best long-term solutions for each family. Our attorneys currently practice in Colorado, California, and Texas. Click the following link to view all of our family law locations. For more information please give us a call or fill out a short form online to sign up for a free consultation today! Let us make a positive difference in your life.

By MFL Team

Posted January 06, 2022

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