Liz Milewski’s Mission To Redefine Family Law

Liz: I often say I grew up in a “very divorced family.” My parents went through a long, contentious divorce, and my siblings and I were frequently caught in the middle. That experience left a lasting impression. I witnessed firsthand the damage that can be done when children are pulled into adult conflicts, and when attorneys focus more on filing motions and billing hours than helping families find perspective or sustainable solutions.

I became a family law attorney to be different. My goal is to guide parents down a path that not only serves their own needs but also protects their children. Nobody walks away from a divorce feeling thrilled about parenting plans or asset distribution, but small, thoughtful decisions, like avoiding custody exchanges in the middle of a holiday or supporting both parents’ presence at a soccer game, can have a huge long-term impact. I want to be the lawyer who helps make those moments possible and reminds parents that their emotional state directly affects their children’s well-being.

Caroline: You’ve worked in both family and juvenile law. How have those experiences shaped your approach as an attorney?

Liz: Moving from abuse and neglect cases to family law has given me a valuable perspective. While custody battles and divorce can be emotionally intense, they rarely compare to the trauma of chronic abuse or neglect. That background helps me assess situations and differentiate when a case truly requires expert involvement or when a situation is being inflated for strategic reasons. My juvenile law experience helps me stay focused on the child’s best interests, even when parents are deeply entrenched in conflict.

Liz: I always try to shift the focus to the future. When someone’s life is unraveling, the present feels overwhelming. But asking, “Where do you want to be in six months? In a year?” gives us direction. It allows me to build a roadmap based on where they want to end up, not just where they’re stuck. It also helps clients momentarily step back from their current pain and visualize a more peaceful future, which can be a powerful motivator and a source of clarity.

Caroline: What do you think is the most important quality a family law attorney should have?

Liz: Candor. Family law is filled with hard truths. The law doesn’t always feel fair, and outcomes are often constrained by rules, precedent, and court tendencies. A good attorney must be honest with clients about what is realistically possible and what likely isn’t. If someone’s expectations are out of line with what a judge would order, they need to know that upfront, along with the financial and emotional cost of litigation. Clients deserve full transparency before deciding how to proceed. I tell my clients time and time again, “I am the gas, you are the car, I will take you anywhere you want to go, but you need to know the costs.”

Caroline: How do you balance compassion and advocacy for your clients?

Liz: It’s a delicate balance, and one that many struggle with. Compassion means understanding the pain your client is in, but advocacy requires objectivity. My job is to be the steady hand when their emotions are running high. I feel for my clients, but when I step into a negotiation or courtroom, I lead with facts, legal strategy, and professionalism. If I let my emotions take over, I’m not serving them well. Clients hire me to think clearly when they can’t, and that means keeping my focus on what’s achievable under the law, not just what feels right in the moment.

Caroline: What advice would you give to someone going through a divorce or custody case?

Liz: Use your court resources. Read every email from your legal team. And remember, hiring an attorney doesn’t mean you can go on autopilot. You have to stay involved and keep moving forward. Your legal team is here to guide you, but you still need to take each step.

Liz: One of the biggest misconceptions is about marital property. Many people think that if an account or debt isn’t in both names, it isn’t marital. That’s simply not true. Without a premarital agreement, all assets and debts acquired during the marriage are considered marital, regardless of whose name is on them or whether both spouses were even aware of them. That surprises a lot of people and can cause major issues if not addressed early.

Another major misconception is about custody. Parents often come in expecting to receive full custody with no contact between the child and the other parent. If an attorney promises you that outcome without a clear history of serious abuse or neglect, run the other way. The courts are deeply committed to keeping both parents involved in a child’s life whenever safely possible. Full custody with no visitation is very rare and generally reserved for extreme circumstances. Setting expectations based on an emotional reaction rather than the legal reality usually leads to frustration. More importantly, it often isn’t in the best interest of the child, who deserves the opportunity to have a relationship with both parents.

Liz: The team at Modern Family Law is truly exceptional. I’ve worked at several firms, but I’ve never felt this supported or learned as much as I have here. The culture is built on collaboration and mentorship—there’s no ego, no gatekeeping. We share ideas freely, ask questions without judgment, and work together to find the best solutions for our clients. It’s a team environment in the truest sense, and I think that makes us better lawyers and better advocates.

Caroline: How do paralegals support your work, and what role do they play in the client experience?

Liz: Paralegals are the backbone of our work. They keep the engine running—tracking deadlines, organizing documents, and making sure nothing slips through the cracks. Their attention to detail allows attorneys to focus on strategy and legal work, which ultimately keeps costs down and cases moving forward. A great paralegal is often, if not always, the unsung hero of a successful case.

Liz: Be part of the solution, not the problem. Family law is emotionally demanding, and how you show up matters. Respect opposing counsel—it’s not personal, and professionalism goes a long way. Settle when you can. Collaborate. Pick up the phone. The best outcomes often come from communication, not conflict. And most importantly, manage your client’s expectations. Help them understand the difference between what they want and what’s realistic. Your job is to reduce the chaos, not add to it. You will be working with the same people for many years to come, and aspire to be a Ginsburg and Scalia combo.