“It was only that once.” I’ve heard that before. You’re fighting with your spouse, it gets heated, and he or she hit you. But it was only that one time. Just once. It happens. Not to everyone, so don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s normal. But it does happen. One time, though, is one too many. Once is enough to raise a red flag. But 32% of the time, he or she will hit you again within six months. If he or she has hit you more than once, your danger increases exponentially.
It’s the first-timers and repeat victims that I’m talking to today. All of them. Yes, you. You’re here reading this because you found it on purpose (or by accident), or it was shared with you by someone who loves you. Please keep reading. It’s uncomfortable. It’s upsetting. It’s embarrassing. But you know what? It’s just you and me, here. And it’s normal to be sad, angry, and ashamed, but these feelings are paralyzing and they’ll keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse. My goal, today, is to give you the knowledge and resources to move forward into action.
Domestic violence happens in every type of relationship, regardless if you’re gay or straight. It happens in every culture. It doesn’t discriminate by how much money you make, how much education you have, or how many children you have. It is a widespread epidemic that has taken hold of the root in every country of the world. Know this – you aren’t alone.
The facts don’t lie. If you’re like me, they will sicken you. I’m using strong language. I’m not sugar coating this. And as you read, I want you to believe that I’m talking to you. I want you to believe that I’m a fortune teller. Because this is likely to happen to you.
If he or she abuses you, and you have children, he or she will eventually abuse them, too. Overlap is reported to be anywhere from 20-100%. Why the disparity? The numbers vary depending on how a question is asked when it is asked (relative to the last violent occurrence), and to whom (the child or the parent).
The more often he or she abuses you, the more often you will get abused. That seems obvious. But it isn’t. The cycle of abuse tells us that abuse will occur, you will reconcile, things will be calm, and tension will build, there will be a trigger, and you will get abused again. As the frequency increases, it will be a catalyst for even more.
It’s not about the punching, shoving, or kicking. It’s about control. He or she abuses you because they want to control you. Every time you go back, it sends the message that he or she is in control of you.
When you finally leave, and his or her control over you is at risk, the lethality rate goes up, so safety planning is more important than ever.
Your children will grow up to abuse or get abused. The cycle of dysfunction is powerful. Children who grow up in an abusive household will likely become abusers or victims, themselves.
Unless you get help for the emotional trauma, you’ll find someone else to beat you. If you are one of the lucky ones to end a relationship with an abuser, you are likely to find someone new who engages in similar or the exact same styles of abuse.
You deserve to be happy. Please let us help. If you are ready to leave, call our divorce attorneys to schedule a free consultation.
These facts are jolting. They will probably make you hurt. They will likely frighten you. Use this fear to move you forward. Take the first step. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233. Speak with someone. Share your secret. Let them help you.
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