Reviewed by: Jordan Walker, J.D
Last Updated: November 2026 | Reading Time: 14 Minutes
Key Takeaways
- Start with what your parenting plan already says about the holidays. In most plans, the holiday schedule takes priority over the regular weekly schedule.
- Talk with the other parent early, before anyone books travel, and put every agreement in writing.
- A one-time swap you both agree to usually doesn’t change your court order. If you want a lasting change, it generally needs to go through the court.
- If the other parent won’t follow the schedule, don’t hold back their time in return. Document what happened and get advice on your options.
- Every state has its own process for changing a holiday schedule, so the right next step depends on where your case was decided.
Sharing child custody over the holidays works best when you start with what your parenting plan says, agree on any changes early and in writing, keep exchanges calm, and focus on how the season feels for your kids. If the holiday schedule keeps causing conflict, you can renegotiate it with the other parent or ask the court to change it.
The holidays can bring up a lot when you share custody. You may be facing your first Thanksgiving without your kids, juggling two sets of family traditions, or dreading the same argument you had last December. That’s normal, and you’re not doing anything wrong by feeling it.
We help parents across Colorado, Texas, California, Washington and Georgia work through holiday schedules every year. Some just need a clearer plan. Others need to change one that no longer fits. If you’d like to understand your options first, our team can explain how parenting time and visitation work where you live.
In this guide, we’ll explain:
- How to read the holiday section of your parenting plan
- Holiday schedule options that work for different families
- How to talk with the other parent and make a one-time change
- What to do if the other parent won’t follow the schedule
- When and how to change a holiday schedule in your state
Table of Contents
- What Does Your Parenting Plan Actually Say About the Holidays?
- Which Holiday Schedule Works Best for Your Family?
- How Do You Bring Up Holiday Plans With the Other Parent?
- What Are the Best Tips for Sharing Custody Over the Holidays?
- Can You Take Your Kids Out of State for the Holidays?
- What If You Want to Swap or Change Holiday Plans Just This Year?
- What Can You Do If the Other Parent Won’t Follow the Holiday Schedule?
- When Is It Time to Renegotiate Your Holiday Custody Schedule?
- How Do You Change a Holiday Schedule in Your State?
- What Does a Shared Holiday Schedule Look Like in Real Life?
- What Holiday Co-Parenting Mistakes Should You Avoid?
- What Should You Do Before This Holiday Season?
- Frequently Asked Questions About Sharing Custody Over the Holidays
- Why Families Choose Modern Family Law
What Does Your Parenting Plan Actually Say About the Holidays?
Before you make plans, pull out your parenting plan or custody order and read the holiday section closely. It’s often more detailed than parents remember, and it’s the first thing a judge would look at if there’s a disagreement.
What Is a Parenting Plan, Anyway?
A parenting plan is the court-approved schedule and set of rules for how you and the other parent share time with your children and make decisions for them. Depending on your state, it may be called a parenting plan, a custody order or a possession order. For a refresher on how schedules are usually built, see our guide to parenting schedule basics.
Does the Holiday Schedule Override the Regular Schedule?
In most plans, yes. The holiday schedule usually takes priority over regular weekends and weekdays for the dates it covers. In Texas, for example, the Standard Possession Order says holiday periods take priority over conflicting weekend and Thursday possession. Your own order’s wording controls, so check whether yours says the same.
What If a Holiday Isn’t in Your Plan?
If your plan doesn’t mention a holiday, the regular schedule usually applies. Some plans also include a catch-all clause, such as “other holidays as the parents agree.” When a holiday matters to your family and isn’t covered, that’s a good sign it’s worth adding the next time you update your plan.
Important: Look for exact start and end times, where exchanges happen, and who handles travel. Most holiday disagreements come from details the plan left vague, not from the big picture.
Which Holiday Schedule Works Best for Your Family?
There’s no single right schedule. The best one fits your children’s ages, how far apart you live, and how well you and the other parent coordinate. Here are the most common options.
| Schedule | How it works | Often works well when | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Alternate each year | One parent has the holiday in even years, the other in odd years | Parents live far apart or holidays are long | A full year between holidays with one parent |
| Split the day | Morning with one parent, afternoon or evening with the other | Parents live close together; younger kids | Rushed exchanges and long car rides on the day |
| Split the break | Winter break divided in half, often around a set date | School-age kids with a long break | Clear exchange dates and times are a must |
| Fixed holidays | Each parent always has the same holidays | Families with different traditions or faiths | One parent may never have a key holiday |
| Celebrate twice | Each home has its own celebration on a different day | Kids who can enjoy two traditions | Avoid turning it into a contest |
If you share time equally the rest of the year, our guide to how 50/50 parenting plans work shows how holidays usually fit in. You can also use our parenting time calculator to see how a holiday change affects each parent’s overall time.
How Do You Bring Up Holiday Plans With the Other Parent?
Holiday conversations go better when they’re early, specific and calm. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do need to be clear.
When Should You Start the Conversation?
Start in early fall, well before Thanksgiving and before either of you books flights. That gives you time to work through disagreements, try mediation if needed, or get legal advice without a deadline breathing down your neck. Courts are busy, and they rarely treat a holiday schedule dispute as an emergency.
What Should You Put in Writing?
Write down the dates, exchange times, exchange locations, travel plans and any phone or video call times. A short message that says “Confirming: the kids are with me from noon on December 26 until 6 p.m. on January 1, with pickup at my house” prevents a lot of misunderstandings.
Can a Co-Parenting App Help?
Yes. Co-parenting apps keep a shared calendar, time-stamp your messages and make it easier to keep conversations about the kids on track. If you’re choosing one, our comparison of OurFamilyWizard vs. TalkingParents walks through the differences.
What Are the Best Tips for Sharing Custody Over the Holidays?
These tips focus on the practical side of sharing the season. For the communication side, see our more holiday co-parenting tips.
Make Exchange Day the Easy Part
Keep exchanges short, on time and friendly. Have bags packed, gifts ready and a plan for who brings what. Kids pick up on tension at the door, so aim for a calm handoff. Our guide to smoother custody exchanges has more ideas.
Coordinate Gifts Instead of Competing
A quick check-in about big gifts avoids duplicates and keeps either parent from feeling outdone. Some families agree on a spending range. Others give one shared gift from both homes.
Let Your Kids Enjoy Both Homes, Out Loud
Tell your kids it’s okay to be excited about time with the other parent. Ask about their holiday when they come back, and listen. Children shouldn’t feel they have to hide a good time to protect your feelings.
Keep Traditions, and Be Open to New Ones
Some traditions can move to a different day without losing their meaning. Cookie decorating can happen on December 20 just as well as on Christmas Eve. New traditions in each home can become something your kids look forward to.
Plan for Long-Distance Holidays
If you live far apart, settle travel details early: who books and pays for flights, whether a child can fly as an unaccompanied minor, and who travels with younger kids. Schedule video calls on the holiday itself so the other parent still feels connected.
Have a Plan for the Days You’re on Your Own
Your first holiday without your kids can be hard. Plan something for yourself, whether that’s time with friends, volunteering or a quiet day you actually enjoy. If the season brings up a lot, our article on coping with holiday anxiety may help.
Can You Take Your Kids Out of State for the Holidays?
It depends on your parenting plan. Many plans require advance notice, a travel itinerary or the other parent’s written consent before out-of-state or international travel. Some don’t address travel at all, which can lead to disagreements.
A few things to check before you book:
- Your plan’s travel rules: Look for notice deadlines, itinerary requirements and any limits on international travel.
- Passports: For children under 16, the U.S. Department of State generally requires both parents’ consent to issue a passport.
- Written agreement: Even when your plan allows travel, confirm dates and contact details in writing.
- New partners: If someone new is coming along, read our tips on traveling with a new partner.
What If You Want to Swap or Change Holiday Plans Just This Year?
Parents can often agree to small, one-time changes, like trading Thanksgiving for an extra weekend in December. Put the swap in writing, including the make-up time, and keep a copy.
Important: A private agreement usually doesn’t change your court order. If the agreement falls apart, the order is generally what a court will enforce. If you find yourselves swapping the same holiday every year, it may be time to make the change official.
What Can You Do If the Other Parent Won’t Follow the Holiday Schedule?
It’s upsetting when the other parent keeps the kids past the exchange time or refuses to hand them over. Here’s how to protect your children and your case:
- Stay calm in front of the kids. Arguing at the door puts them in the middle.
- Don’t retaliate. Holding back the other parent’s next holiday, or their time over unpaid support, can hurt your own position.
- Document everything. Save messages, write down dates and times, and note what was supposed to happen.
- Try to resolve it. A written reminder or mediation can fix many problems before court.
- Ask about enforcement. Each state has a process for enforcing parenting time. In Colorado, for example, a parent can file a motion about parenting time disputes, and our guide to enforcing a Colorado parenting plan explains the options.
If you believe your child is in danger, contact law enforcement right away. For everything else, an attorney can help you choose the right step for your situation.
When Is It Time to Renegotiate Your Holiday Custody Schedule?
A holiday schedule that worked when your kids were toddlers may not work when they’re teenagers. It may be time to renegotiate if:
- You have the same holiday argument every year
- Your kids have outgrown the schedule, such as split days that no longer make sense
- One of you has moved, or is planning a move (see our page on relocating with your children)
- A work schedule changed, especially around holidays
- A new partner, stepchildren or a new baby changed your family’s traditions
- The school calendar no longer matches the dates in your plan
Many parents start by talking it through or going to mediation. If you reach an agreement, you can usually ask the court to approve it so it becomes part of your order. If you can’t agree, either parent can generally ask the court to decide.
How Do You Change a Holiday Schedule in Your State?
The process and legal standard depend on the state where your order was entered. Here’s a quick overview.
| State | How to make it official | The general standard |
|---|---|---|
| Colorado | File an agreement or a motion to modify parenting time | Best interests of the child |
| Texas | File an agreed order or a petition to modify | Material and substantial change, or both parents agree |
| California | File an agreement (stipulation) or a Request for Order | Best interests of the child |
| Washington | File an agreed modification, or a petition for a minor or major modification | Depends on the size of the change |
| Georgia | File a petition to modify visitation | Review allowed once every two years without a change in circumstances |
Colorado
Colorado courts can change parenting time when the change serves the child’s best interests, under C.R.S. § 14-10-129(1)(a)(I). Agreed changes can be filed with the court for approval. Learn more about modifying a Colorado parenting plan, or talk with our Colorado custody modification lawyers.
Texas
Texas orders often use the Standard Possession Order, which alternates Thanksgiving by year and splits the Christmas break at noon on December 28 (Tex. Fam. Code § 153.314). To change it, parents can submit an agreed order, or one parent can file to modify under Tex. Fam. Code § 156.101. See our overview of Texas custody modifications and our guide to modifying a parenting plan in Dallas.
California
In California, parents who agree can file a Stipulation and Order for Custody and/or Visitation (FL-355), often with the Children’s Holiday Schedule Attachment (FL-341(C)). (See California Courts self-help: custody and parenting time.) If you don’t agree, you can file a Request for Order (FL-300), and you’ll usually go to child custody mediation first. Our California custody modification lawyers can help with either path.
Washington
Washington parents can agree to change a parenting plan and submit it to the court. Without agreement, a smaller change may qualify as a minor modification under RCW 26.09.260(5), which generally requires a substantial change in circumstances and a change of no more than 24 full days a year. Our article on parenting plans that work in Washington explains how holidays fit in.
Georgia
In Georgia, a parent can ask the court to review the visitation part of a custody order once every two years without showing a material change in circumstances (O.C.G.A. § 19-9-3(b)). The court still decides based on the child’s best interests. Read more about Georgia parenting plans.
What Does a Shared Holiday Schedule Look Like in Real Life?
Here’s an illustrative example, not a real case. Dana and the other parent share custody of two kids, ages 7 and 11. Their original plan split Christmas Day at 2 p.m., which meant a tense exchange and a long drive every year.
They agreed to a new approach: alternate Thanksgiving each year, split winter break at noon on December 26, and set a 15-minute video call on Christmas morning for whichever parent doesn’t have the kids. They put it in writing, filed it with the court, and the kids now spend the whole day in one home.
What Holiday Co-Parenting Mistakes Should You Avoid?
- Asking at the last minute: Late requests feel like pressure, even when they aren’t meant that way.
- Making verbal-only swaps: Without something in writing, it’s your word against theirs.
- Using your kids as messengers: Talk to the other parent directly or through an app.
- Posting about the other parent online: Social media posts can show up in court.
- Ignoring your order: If the plan isn’t working, change it the right way instead of working around it.
What Should You Do Before This Holiday Season?
- Read your parenting plan and note the holiday dates, times, exchange locations and travel rules.
- Check this year’s dates against your kids’ school calendar.
- Message the other parent early with a clear, written proposal.
- Confirm everything in writing, including any swaps and make-up time.
- Plan for your time alone so the days without your kids feel manageable.
- Get advice if you can’t agree, the other parent isn’t following the order, or the schedule needs a lasting change.
Frequently Asked Questions About Sharing Custody Over the Holidays
Who gets the kids on Christmas if the custody order doesn’t say?
If your order doesn’t mention Christmas, the regular parenting schedule usually applies, so the kids would be with whichever parent has that day. Parents can agree to something different in writing. If the holiday matters to both of you, consider adding it to your parenting plan so you don’t have to negotiate it every year.
Do holidays override the regular custody schedule?
In most parenting plans, yes. The holiday schedule usually takes priority over regular weekends and weekdays for the dates it covers. Texas’s Standard Possession Order, for example, says so directly. Read your own order closely, because its exact wording controls, and some plans handle certain holidays differently.
Can my child decide where to spend the holidays?
Usually not on their own. Courts may consider a mature child’s wishes, but the parenting plan still controls. Rules vary by state. In Georgia, for example, a child 14 or older can choose which parent to live with, subject to the court’s review, but that’s different from picking holidays. Parents can choose to give older kids more say.
Can the other parent take my child out of state for the holidays?
It depends on your parenting plan. Many plans allow travel with advance notice and an itinerary, while others require written consent or limit international trips. For children under 16, both parents generally need to consent to a U.S. passport. If your plan is silent and you disagree, get legal advice before the trip.
Is a text message agreement to swap holidays enforceable?
A text can show what you both agreed to, and it’s much better than a verbal promise. But a private agreement usually doesn’t change your court order, so the order is generally what a court enforces. For a lasting change, it’s best to file the agreement with the court so it becomes part of your order.
What happens if the other parent doesn’t return the kids after the holiday?
Contact the other parent calmly and in writing first, and document what happens. If the kids aren’t returned and you can’t resolve it, you can ask the court to enforce the parenting plan. If you believe your child is in danger, contact law enforcement right away. An attorney can help you decide the fastest appropriate step.
How long does it take to change a holiday custody schedule?
It depends on your state, your court’s calendar and whether you agree. An agreed change can move fairly quickly once it’s filed, while a contested modification can take months. Courts rarely treat holiday disputes as emergencies, so it’s best to start well before the holiday you want to change.
Do we need mediation to change our holiday schedule?
Not always, but it often helps. Many courts encourage or require mediation before a contested custody hearing, and California generally requires child custody mediation when parents disagree. Mediation can help you reach a holiday schedule you both can live with, often faster and for less than going to a hearing.
Why Families Choose Modern Family Law
We focus only on family law, and we look at every parenting plan from your children’s point of view. Our attorneys work across Colorado, Texas, California, Washington and Georgia, so we know how each state handles holiday schedules, modifications and enforcement.
We offer a free consultation, and our SimpleStart program may let eligible clients begin with a reduced retainer. Whether you need help reaching an agreement, filing a change or enforcing your order, we’ll help you plan for this season and the ones after it.
Need Help With Your Holiday Custody Schedule? Talk to a Local Attorney
If your holiday schedule isn’t working, or you’re not sure what your plan allows, we’re here to help. If you’re in one of the areas below, our local team can assist you:
Colorado: Denver child custody lawyers, Colorado Springs child custody and Fort Collins custody attorneys
Texas: Austin child custody lawyers, Dallas child custody lawyers and San Antonio custody attorneys
California: Oakland child custody lawyers, San Jose child custody and our Petaluma office, opening soon
Washington: Seattle child custody lawyers, Bellevue custody attorneys and Everett child custody
Georgia: Atlanta child custody lawyers, Alpharetta custody attorneys and Savannah child custody
Schedule your free consultation today, and let’s make this holiday season a little easier for you and your kids.
Related Resources
- Parenting Schedules 101
- 10 Helpful Tips for Co-Parenting During the Holidays
- How Does a 50/50 Parenting Plan Work?
- Smooth Transitions: Navigating Custody Exchanges
This article is for general information and isn’t legal advice. Laws vary by state and change over time; speak with a licensed family law attorney about your situation.
