Amy Tyson: Expert Tips For Divorce And Co-Parenting

Amy: One of the most significant issues I see is that children often carry the emotional burden of their parents’ pain—something they should never have to bear. It is an unnecessary weight, and it is not theirs to carry. To illustrate this, imagine asking your child to physically carry you around the house or town—not only would it look absurd, but it would also be far too heavy for them. The same concept applies emotionally. When children try to shoulder their parents’ pain, it becomes overwhelming and can lead to serious consequences. This stress may show up in declining academic performance, behavioral issues, emotional outbursts at home or school, struggles with friendships, or a drop in self-esteem. That is why my focus is on equipping parents to support their children and guide them through the divorce process in a healthier, more constructive way.

Caroline: So, even if they do not express it directly, their behavior often reflects what they are feeling.

Amy: For sure. I’m a former educator, and I have also been through the divorce process twice myself. I have three daughters, so I bring a mix of personal experience, what my daughters and I went through, and professional experience, from seeing what my students and their families faced. On top of that, I got certified as a divorce coach and a co-parenting coach. I am really passionate about helping families through this process because I know firsthand how hard it can be, and I want to make a real difference.

Amy: Over the years, people kept telling me, ‘Amy, you should be a coach—you should be a divorce coach,’ because of my personal experience. But I wanted professional training to go along with what I call my ‘heart knowledge.’ I wanted to add the ‘book knowledge’ too. So I enrolled in a certification program where I took classes from August through December. It involved a lot of reading, training, and role-playing. After completing the program, I became certified, and now I am required to take continuing education classes each year to maintain that certification.

Amy: I would say the most important thing is making sure your children feel deeply loved by both parents, no matter what. They need to feel loved, secure, and safe—and that remains your responsibility as a parent, whether you are married or not.

When parents are preparing for a separation or divorce, one of the best things they can do is start thinking ahead about how to talk to their children in an age-appropriate way. Even the best communicators—whether in business, leadership, or public speaking—often find it incredibly difficult to have this conversation, because it touches on matters of the heart and involves their children.

That is why I recommend parents take time to prepare for this conversation carefully. If they can, finding resources that guide them through it can be incredibly helpful. For example, I created books and a journal designed to help families navigate these conversations, but whether they use my resources or others, the goal is the same: to help children feel reassured that while life will change, their sense of being loved and safe will not.

Parents need to remember that while routines, finances, and living arrangements may shift, change does not have to mean something bad. With the right support, children can adapt and even grow stronger through the process. Giving them the tools to process their emotions healthily makes all the difference.

Amy: Yes, and I am really glad you brought that up. I work with individuals who were married and are going through a divorce with children, as well as those who were never married but have children and are going through a separation.

When I first started writing my books, I wrote the first one for my daughter. Later, when I wrote a version for my youngest daughter, I made a conscious decision not to use the word ‘divorce.’ I felt that word was too heavy for young children, and honestly, I believe it does not even need to be introduced at that age.

When it came time to publish, I realized that if I truly wanted to help as many families as possible, I had to avoid using the word ‘divorce’, not just because of how strong it sounds to children, but also because many families today were never legally married. And even though I did not personally walk that exact journey, I do not doubt that the pain and challenges they face are just as real as those experienced by families who were married.

That is why none of my resources use the word ‘divorce.’ I think that is an important distinction. In addition to working with parents, I also coach men and women who do not have children. In those cases, while they may not need my children’s resources, I still support them through the divorce or separation process—and even in the years that follow.

Amy: Yes, and I would say one of the biggest things I teach parents is this: Never tell your child that you miss them. For a lot of people, that sounds surprising, because they think saying ‘I miss you’ will make their child feel more loved. But that is not the case.

When you tell your child you miss them while they are with the other parent, you are placing a burden on them that they were never meant to carry. It can make them feel guilty for spending time with the other parent, worrying that they are not okay without them. Children need to be able to fully enjoy and engage with each parent without feeling responsible for anyone else’s emotions.

I will share an example. When I was teaching kindergarten, I had a little girl in my class whose parents were going through a divorce. One morning, she came in distraught, crying uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she sobbed, ‘I’m going to my daddy’s today, but I can’t stay very long because my mommy said she’ll miss me.’

That moment stuck with me. Now, sometimes, unfortunately, parents do say things intentionally to cause guilt, and that needs to stop. But a lot of the time, it is simply a lack of education. Parents are not trying to hurt their children; they just do not know a better way to communicate. My goal is to help parents understand these dos and don’ts so their children can feel secure, loved, and free to enjoy their time with both parents.

Amy: Here is the thing: you might have every reason to feel anger or resentment toward the other parent, but you also have an even bigger reason not to, and that reason is your child.

It is important to consistently ask yourself, ‘Is what I am doing truly in my child’s best interest, or is it serving my own needs?’ That question should guide your actions, your requests, and the way you communicate.

A lot of people assume that if their divorce was high-conflict, they are destined for a lifetime of high-conflict co-parenting. But that does not have to be the case. A difficult divorce does not have to mean years of difficult co-parenting. It does take hard work—sometimes one parent may have to put in more effort at first before things start to improve, but it is worth it for your child’s well-being.

Another important thing to remember is that after divorce, you are no longer in full control over every part of your child’s life. You might have been used to picking out their clothes, setting all the household rules, or deciding on their activities. But once you are co-parenting, some things will be out of your hands, depending on your custody agreement. You have to come to terms with that.

And you also have to be careful not to get caught up in what the other parent is doing—what I sometimes call ‘drinking the Kool-Aid.’ Always pause and ask yourself, ‘Is this really my business? Is this about benefiting our child?’ And that is important too: it is not ‘my child’ or ‘your child’, it is our child.

Amy: Sometimes I work with just one parent, sometimes I work with both parents, and occasionally, I work with a bonus parent as well, like when one of the parents has remarried. There have even been cases where I have worked with one parent, the other parent, and the bonus parent all together.

When I am working with both parents, for example, I have even been written into a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) for co-parenting coaching. In those situations, I typically start with individual sessions for each person and then bring everyone together for joint sessions.

I offer sessions both virtually and in person. I have worked with clients as far away as Puerto Rico, so while I do love meeting in person, virtual sessions can be just as effective.

Amy: The only situation where I would communicate with someone’s attorney is if my client has given written permission, both to me and to their attorney, allowing us to work together and share information. Without that written consent, I would not be involved with the attorney at all.

Amy: First, it is important to understand that, unlike a therapist, I do not diagnose anything. I have a network of therapists and other professionals I refer clients to when needed. I believe that going through a divorce is such a major, transitional time in someone’s life that you need a full team of highly qualified professionals supporting you, just like a football team in the Super Bowl would not rely on just one coach.

Having the right support system is crucial, not only during the divorce but even in the years that follow, depending on each professional’s specialty.

In my work, I also use a lot of hands-on tools I have developed, including a ‘heart map.’ When clients meet with me, I have them write down how they are feeling at the beginning of the session and again at the end. They then take that heart map home with them.

The purpose is to remind them, especially during moments of anger, stress, or anxiety, that these emotions are temporary. When they look back at how their feelings shifted over just one session, it helps them see that no feeling lasts forever, and it can make the tough moments a little easier to manage.

Amy: Absolutely, without a doubt. And I can say that not just as a divorce and co-parenting coach, but also as a mom and a former educator. Children thrive on routine and boundaries. It gives them a sense of security and helps them know what to expect, which is especially important when everything else feels uncertain. Having a routine can even make basic things, like going to bed at night, much easier.

One important thing for parents to remember is that routines might look different between households. Ideally, everything would be the same at both homes, but the reality is that a hundred percent identical routine is not realistic. And that is okay.

In fact, I believe children from two homes, when healthy co-parenting is in place, can often grow up to be even more independent than children from a single household. Open communication between co-parents about routines can be helpful, too. For example, one parent might share a routine they have found works well, and the other parent might decide to adapt it at their home. It does not have to be one ‘right’ way.

I always emphasize that things will be different, but different does not mean bad. Maintaining a consistent routine in your own home, even if it is different from the other parent’s, is key to helping your child feel stable, secure, and loved through the divorce and in the years that follow.

Amy: One of the biggest indicators that a child may be struggling is a change in their sleep patterns. Are they having trouble falling asleep? Are they getting up in the middle of the night? Another thing to watch for is whether they seem withdrawn from family members, friends, or even their regular activities.

It is also important to pay attention to feedback from teachers. Has their focus changed in school? Are they socializing differently with classmates? If they are involved in sports or other extracurricular activities, has their performance or communication with others shifted? Emotional outbursts, frequent crying, or bursts of anger can also be signs.

At home, you might notice other changes too. Are they pulling away from family activities? Are they overly clingy or, on the other hand, very distant? Sometimes, even subtle shifts in behavior can tell you something is going on.

One thing I always stress is that children, and even teenagers, often have a hard time expressing their emotions verbally. Even many adults struggle to put their feelings into words, so it is even harder for kids and teens, whose brains and emotional skills are still developing. And sometimes, even if they can talk about it, they will not, because they are carrying emotional burdens they should never have to.

That is why I created my journal, Little Hearts, Big Feelings. It is designed to help children and teens express themselves through drawing rather than having to find the words. I encourage parents to set aside 15 to 20 minutes each night, putting their child to bed a little earlier, with engaging art supplies. The child completes two pages of the journal on their own while the parent steps out. Afterward, the journal is put away until the next night.

The drawings can offer deep insights, helping everyone better understand what is really going on in the child’s heart and mind.

Amy: One of the biggest indicators that a child may be struggling is a change in their sleep patterns. Are they having trouble falling asleep? Are they getting up in the middle of the night? Another thing to watch for is whether they seem withdrawn from family members, friends, or even their regular activities.

It is also important to pay attention to feedback from teachers. Has their focus changed in school? Are they socializing differently with classmates? If they are involved in sports or other extracurricular activities, has their performance or communication with others shifted? Emotional outbursts, frequent crying, or bursts of anger can also be signs.

At home, you might notice other changes too. Are they pulling away from family activities? Are they overly clingy or, on the other hand, very distant? Sometimes, even subtle shifts in behavior can tell you something is going on.

One thing I always stress is that children, and even teenagers, often have a hard time expressing their emotions verbally. Even many adults struggle to put their feelings into words, so it is even harder for kids and teens, whose brains and emotional skills are still developing. And sometimes, even if they can talk about it, they will not, because they are carrying emotional burdens they should never have to.

That is why I created my journal, Little Hearts, Big Feelings. It is designed to help children and teens express themselves through drawing rather than having to find the words. I encourage parents to set aside 15 to 20 minutes each night, putting their child to bed a little earlier, with engaging art supplies. The child completes two pages of the journal on their own while the parent steps out. Afterward, the journal is put away until the next night.

The drawings can offer deep insights, helping everyone better understand what is really going on in the child’s heart and mind.

Amy: I have two books and one journal. Both of my books are hardcover and geared toward children ages 4 to 11. They are designed to help parents have those important conversations with their kids about the changes happening in their family.

My first book is One Princess, Two Castles. Shortly after its release, I started getting a lot of requests for a version featuring a boy as the main character. So, this past fall, I released One Camper, Two Cabins, which features a little boy named Caleb who loves camping.

Both books share the same key message: ‘Things will be different, but things will be good.’ The storylines are simply set in different themes, one with a castle backdrop and the other centered around camping, but both are relatable for boys and girls.

I also created a journal called Little Hearts, Big Feelings, which is intended for a wider age range, kids from 4 up to 18 years old. Since teenagers’ brains are still developing, and many young people find it easier to express themselves through art rather than words, the journal uses targeted prompts that encourage drawing.

It offers parents, family law attorneys, and therapists valuable insight into what children and teens are feeling. Most importantly, it gives young people a healthy way to express their emotions and helps the adults in their lives better understand and support them through the process.

Amy: I think for many parents, one of the biggest struggles is the idea of not being with their child all the time. It can be overwhelming to think, ‘My child will not be with me every day for the rest of their life.’ That was not the vision most parents had when they decided to have children.

However, if you are in an unhealthy marriage and you have done everything you can to try to fix it without success, then you are faced with some difficult decisions. People often say, ‘Stay together for the kids,’ but I truly believe that mindset has caused a lot of harm.

Children learn by example: ‘monkey see, monkey do.’ Many children grew up in homes where parents stayed together for their sake, but all they witnessed was an unhealthy relationship. As a result, many of those children have grown into adults who do not know what a healthy marriage looks like, simply because they never saw one, and some have not put in the work to learn how to build one.

It is important to understand that just because life is going to be different, it does not mean it is going to be bad. Whether you are the one who filed for divorce or the one who was served, you still have the power to shape what comes next. You can take whatever ‘different’ looks like and work hard to make it something good.