1. Leave the Children Out
Most divorcees plan to leave their children out of the fight, but many pull the children right back in by communicating with them about the specifics of the case or by using the children as leverage in a financial dispute.
Studies have shown that it isn’t the divorce itself that harms children, it is the conflict that comes along with it that harms children. You can control the amount of conflict in your divorce, it just takes a willingness to compromise. If you are not sure whether your actions are increasing or decreasing the conflict in your divorce, ask your attorney or another trusted adult.
Finally, “A letter from an adult child of divorce” is a great, and quick read that might really change the way you view your divorce and how you behave towards your soon to be ex-spouse.
Keeping your kids happy and mentally healthy during your divorce will, in turn, keep your spirits up and allow you to make rational decisions about your family’s future.
2. Be the Adult in the Room
Sometimes even the attorneys in a divorce case can begin acting in a “tit for tat” or “eye for an eye” way that is reminiscent of an argument on an elementary school playground.
Don’t stoop that low. Look for win/win situations. Remember that how you handle your divorce will dictate the future of your relationship with your ex-spouse and your children’s other parent. If you have young children, keep in mind that you are going to have to co-parent for years to come and you’ll be seeing each other at your children’s events for even longer.
3. Work on Other Relationships
As humans, we all have relationships that we value in life. You are likely leaving what was, at one time, the most important relationship in your life. The loss of your marriage is going to leave a hole in your support network, and while spending some time with yourself to sort out your feelings is necessary, isolating yourself doesn’t help anyone.
How do you deal with the loneliness and lack of support that is so prevalent after the separation and during the pendency of, or even after, the divorce is over? The easiest way is to work on the other relationships in your life. Your kids, parents, siblings, other family members, and friends have likely all reached out to you and offered to help. Take them up on their offer and say that the best way they can help, is to spend some time with you.